Contrary to all logic and reason – emptiness hurts. You would not believe the pain and the suffering that can come from a thing which, by all accounts … is not even there.
– Ranata Suzuki.
Weighing in at three pounds on average, the human brain is more complex than any other known structure in the universe. This spongy mass of fat and protein comprises of billons of (primarily) glia and neurons cells that gather and transmit electrochemical signals. Despite its compact size, the mind is powerful. It can enable us to overcome almost anything – even events and challenges that may seem impossible at the time.
For many of us, trauma creates an unfulfilling, confusing, and upsetting time, an isolating vacuum in many lives. It conjures up feelings of emptiness and strange, uncomfortable sensations that we cannot shake. These feelings of desolation can only be described as a gaping inner hole. Our insides ache under the gnawing pressure of this profound vacuum. How can feeling empty be so terribly painful? You feel suffocated underneath the weight of this seemingly eternal, nothingness waiting for the worst to happen.
For me, I have experienced this emotional numbness during the mental and physical process of transitioning from one way of life to another, literally overnight. It was grief. It felt like losing somebody. You wake up every-day and you are still here in that situation. It is beyond physical pain. The power that my mind had to play in that process of transiting was like nothing I could have ever imagined.
This leads me to my next point. The human body has incredible survival capabilities. Perhaps the greatest faculty our minds’ possess is resilience and the ability to cope with pain. Time heals most wounds. However, some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly and take time. Some memories are simply too painful, and there is no healing to be done. These wounds are locked, or compartmentalised, behind mental doors in our mind. This is the body’s way of protecting itself and moving forward. Just as we have gotten through solitude in the past, we will again overcome this isolating vacuum in our current situation.
What I have learnt through my different stages of recovering is that often, we don’t have just one battle to fight in our lifetimes. The more times we fall down, the more times we learn how to rise up bigger, better and stronger for the next challenge. Allies play a key role in our success in achieving this. Friends and family are crucial. Self-belief is important. Yet when it is dented by emotions that are outside of our control, we need someone else to have our back. That is why we need to support each other.
Please do not suffer in silence!
For those of you going through a hard time, remember the pain you are feeling is temporary. The pain will pass and things will get progressively better. Be patient. Take each day as it comes. Reach out to someone during these hard times – a family member, a friend, a neighbour, an online support worker. You do not need to solve every problem at once, including the ones that have not or might not happen! My advice is do not wait for everything to be perfect before you decide to enjoy your life. Live in the now and enjoy everything you have.